I admit, I never watched the last couple seasons of the The Office. However, I saw this quote was posted by someone else and it seemed relevant.
It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been.
Anyway, I guess the last post was a little dark. I apologize (for nothing.) I am guilty of editorializing my own story from time to time, mainly in order to highlight the good stuff and ignore the negatives. I think we all do that from time to time.
So this week has had a couple of interesting things happen. I did see my therapist on Tuesday and I beat around the bush of telling her about my suicidal thoughts. I did tell her in the end. Just like writing about it here, only worse. Once you tell your doctor that, you can never take it back. She needed to know though.
On Wednesday, I had my first session at the new laser place. The experience compared to the previous provider was much different. The treatment itself was more intense, even with the cooling spray that comes with each pulse of the laser. Based on this, I would say it will be more effective than the old provider. If the discomfort was as bad with a cooling spray, I can assume it would have been unbearable without. Thus more power. If I learning nothing from Tim the Toolman Taylor, more power is always the answer.
In any event, I was mostly burnt up all day Wednesday. I used an ice pack. I moisturized. I drank a lot of water. I purposefully didn’t shave on Thursday, trying to give my skin the chance for recovery. Friday, I did attempt to shave. It was a failure. I’ll make another attempt today, because being a bad bitch with a beard is not my aesthetic.
The following might be TMI, but whatever.. In hormone related notes, my boobs might be growing. Hard to say. See the picture below. What I do know, my nipples are very sore. There’s some sort of growth going on directly behind the nipples. The nipples are growing too. Ahh puberty!
This next bit is definitely TMI, so you’ve been warned.
Likewise, on the other end, I’ve noticed my testicles have shrunken considerably. I don’t get erections anymore, although I suspect if I tried it might be possible. However, whereas I used to get “morning wood” and such.. that’s totally gone. Interesting, considering my former sex drive prior to the HRT.
Other than that, the only thing left to report is that I’m officially scheduled for genital reassignment surgery. The only bad part is the wait. My chosen surgeon is booked until 2017! My date as of today is February 8th, 2017. I am on the cancellation list and am hoping to get a date sometime in the Summer of 2016. I hope I can get that, I don’t want to lose another year waiting.
I know it’s particularly difficult for some of my friends and family to understand (because they’ve told me), since I’ve already waited this long.. but it’s something that’s important to me. I would go right now, if not for health care regulations. I’m not going to get 12 months into this and change my mind. I don’t need a vagina to validate my existence as a woman. I know I’m a woman. However, it’s something I need to do for me.
Also, it’s the only way I can get my gender marker changed on my birth certificate and driver’s license. More to follow….