Here in the last couple weeks, I’ve lost some of my excitement and joy from my newfound gender freedom. My facial hair has been probably been one of the biggest things that keeps me looking male. The laser isn’t working as well as I had hoped. I am still shaving daily, I still have an undeniable shadow, even clean shaved. I can’t cover that without a lot of makeup. Sometimes, I can’t put the makeup on, because my face is so irritated from shaving.
However, I’ve taken to not caring. Or at least pretending to not care. Being brave? I’ve just started going out without makeup, but decidedly in fem. Do I need to put on a face full of makeup to be a woman? I get some odd glances. Oddly, when I dress more andro, I get stranger looks. Capris and a T-shirt garners a lot of attention. Dress or a skirt, not quite as much.
I’ve been kind of hiding my transition from my neighbors. I don’t know why. I feel like I glance out the door and assuming the coast is clear, I rush to my truck and off I go. However tonight, I went to mow the grass and I was wearing a t-shirt over a cami. It’s getting hot, so I took the t-shirt off. I think this is the first time the neighbors have seen the boobs. If they didn’t know, they do now.
Why hide it? It’s not going to go away. I might as well be proud to be honest to myself. I can go out in public and be visably trans. It doesn’t bother me. My only qualm with this approach is restroom access. If I’m being read as male, even when I’m dressed as a woman, I don’t feel comfortable using either restroom.
In any event, I’m trying to make the best of an awkward situation. I guess I will write more on this later.