It’s been a minute since I’ve take the time to update here. I think about it, but as I’ve been explaining to my therapist… I have a real motivation problem. She says I’m not depressed anymore, she’s pulled the diagnosis. However, I’m not so sure. It’s not an all encompassing depression, but I certainly think it still lingers. With that, I look at so many things and think, “I should be doing that.” I should be cleaning the house, I should be trimming the bushes, I should have Hunter’s room finished. It is what it is.
So it’s been a big week for trans people everywhere. Bruce Jenner finally comes out and says it on national TV. He still wants to be referred to with male pronouns for now. That’s fine, it’s his own decision. I feel weird referring to anyone who says they are a woman as “HE.” I get upset when people refer to me as he, him, sir, etc. Pronouns and being misgendered is my biggest peeve currently. I totally understand where it comes from, I mean I certainly look like a man most or part of the time. Unless I slather on about 2 lbs of foundation, my beard shadow is a dead giveaway. My voice hasn’t changed. So I sound like a man. That’s another thing that falls under the “I should be doing X” category. It’s just very hard, progress doesn’t come instantly, and I’m embarrassed to do it anywhere someone else might hear me.
On the positive side, I did finally get my name change back. I have a new updated drivers license, social security card, and I’ve even managed to get one credit card re-issued. Yay! I started writing down everyone that I need to call and or write, and it’s a staggering list. Especially for someone with motivation issues.
Another item for the positive category, I had my follow-up with my new Endocrinologist. New Endo is SO MUCH better than the old endo. After rechecking my blood with about 8-9 vials drawn, he’s upped my Estradiol. He’s also added in Medroxyprogesterone (Provera) and Spironolactone. The Provera is supposed to help with breast development. Preliminary anecdotal evidence says that it’s working. I say that because while I haven’t noticed much in the way of growth, they are very tender. That’s a good sign. The Spiro is actually a blood pressure med, but it’s used off-label as an Androgen Antagonist. That is, it helps reduce testosterone. The doctor said that even after a month on Estradiol alone, my T levels were still pretty high.
This morning, I had my fifth session of laser on my face. After the 4th session, I’m certainly seeing some serious slow down on the re-growth. I’m hoping to see more progress on this session. I have one more pre-paid session left. After that, I’m not sure if I will continue this course of treatment or switch over to electrolysis. I’m kind of scared of electro, because it seems pretty painful. I’m so tired of shaving my face, and even more tired of the beard shadow that doesn’t go away with shaving that I can justify the pain though. We’ll see.
I’m trying to think if there’s anything else exciting going on that’s transition related. Not coming up with anything.. I’ll write more later, maybe. HA.